please excuse my sin-ridden skin 

stories of slaughter and sabotage 

i succumb to within 

as i reach out my senses

malicious they din

but my conscious is still sound 

it still slits me open 

 

 

please excuse my sin-ridden skin 

as my limbs long for forgiveness

but too often cave in 

they transgress with no set backs 

spoil the carcass’s within

stones have served less carvings

a fixed, malignant grin 

 

 

please excuse me

and my sin-ridden skin 

though i fathom your loathsome 

i wish you’d be more open 

these marks can’t be rubbered

for i’ve erred far too greatly:

i am merely human 

 

Our friendship was a lagniappe 

nothing more than a strategic necessity 

a well-thought out dexterity 

mastered beaming-forgery 

when we were jaded internally. 

 

Our friendship was a lagniappe 

a child of circumstance, nothing more 

a temporary remedy for permanent sores 

not mandatory- although was true 

instead of happiness, bore a taste of rue. 

 

Our friendship was a lagniappe 

a treat, ulteriorly, much more 

but for each his own-  to the core

convinced we cared, convinced we could

God knows, though, that we never would.

 

Our friendship was a lagniappe

and wrapped so eloquently too

its ribbons strangle, set constraints 

yet with arms bundled behind my back 

I can’t help but think of how I miss you. 

  

 

Losing a best friend 

is saying good bye 

to the crinkles of your eyes

when you smile 

 

it is abandoning 

the parts of you 

that only they know 

that only you share

 

it is forgetting 

how to breathe 

under water 

temporarily 

 

it is burying 

the sad and the gay 

the little things 

the unforgettable 

 

losing a best friend 

is losing yourself 

your innermost being 

your outermost vibe 

 

it is saying good bye 

to an entire chapter 

to unwritten poems 

to tear-provoking times 

 

it is saying hello 

to innermost fears 

to outermost pieces 

uncurling before the public’s eyes 

 

 

it is being left bare 

for everyone to see 

something no longer whole 

no longer me. 

 

 

Just so you know, an albatross is a type of bird and “albatross around my neck” is an idiom for guilt- it refers to Coleridge’s ancient poem about killing an albatross and hanging it around his neck as a sign of guilt for everyone to see

 

 

I never knew 

how heavy an albatross was 

until my shoulders felt the feathers 

and the ground suddenly seemed to be rising

towards my face

 

I never knew

how heavy an albatross was

until it wrung my scruff- lungs dried

and the atmosphere suddenly seemed so distant

from where I was

 

I never knew 

how heavy an albatross was 

until I had them numbered- intertwining loops

a sin-ridden scarf

I could no longer ignore 

 

I never knew 

how heavy an albatross was

until I saw it through other eyes 

my muscles straining, aching

yet still, unnoticed

 

I never really knew 

how heavy an albatross was 

until I saw mine around her neck 

her shoulders giving in  

because of me 

 

 

 

A life of black and white is led

What lies between remains unsaid

No moderation finds its way

when poles pull wanderers astray

my brooding turns a shade of tan

so inked and dreary: Stygian

Unless, alas, it’s a good day

then watch as light finds every way

through the incapacious and stretch alike

a burning blinding shade of white

Or how my longing burns to coal

my insides charred, a solemn soul

Whilst pearly whites deceive the eye

fool the heart and head; a physical lie

My surroundings a genus of great or ghastly

fitting into either; I never suffered vastly

a choice of black or white was made

for every halt, hesitance, crusade

either dark or bright, never a mix of two

it left no room for vicissitude

And in between I knew no man

for never did the two hold hands

Black and white a solid sea

with a drop of grey-

a drop of me.

My dreams were already so vivid

without your words

they were already perfectly coloured in

without the pristine tint 

of the crescent of your eyes

 

They already imprinted

the insides of my skull

formed negative images every time

I took a moment to blink

every time I took a moment to let my mind

wander

but now it goes back-

to you

 

They were already so rich

without your savor

roving endlessly

carrying me and my thoughts

so far away that realms hold no meaning

and realms without you lost their taste

 

They were already so alive

without your every breath

leaving patches of warmth 

in my otherwise 

cold circumscribe

 

Already so real

without the crack of your crooked

sarcastic

-but just almost real-

otherwise sacrosanct smile

or your voice

so low

sending turbulence through the winds

and my veins

and my being

 when you tried to show me you cared

or your eyes

almost deceiving 

but only truly prepossessing as you

scrunched those corners

one gleam

two gleams

and lit-up 

as you tried to contain 

and explain

at once 

your passions

or your 

sideways glances 

when you wanted me to realise

something no one else should know

setting apart clouds 

and pushing away dust 

and sleet 

and snow

or the way

the air

i whiffed

was nothing but your essence

 

My dreams were already 

perfectly fine

before you

but then

you 

happened. 

 

 

 

 

 

Whenever someone really manages 

to throw me off my feet

to enrage me 

aggravate me

dishearten me, 

 

I never imagine them being crushed by a train,

or falling into a pit of nothing

 

I never wish for their agony, 

their pain, 

their end.

 

I wish for mine. 

 

Not because I don’t want to see another sunrise, 

or witness another day,

no. 

 

But because my death would mean no apologies

no room for relief 

no scope for clemency

 

and I cannot imagine the coldest of hearts, 

nor the most automated of men, 

 

bearing with such a closure, 

 

that lacks closure so. 

 

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 59 other followers